An Idiot Goes East

Twenty-five-year-old Harry Fisher hates his dead-end tech support job and wants to try something that will really make a difference. If it also wins the affections of Nicola, a woman he’s been trying to get into bed for over a decade, all the better. A brown envelope at his doorway tells him he’s been accepted to go to Vietnam for six weeks, and the wheels are set in motion.

Inspired by the pictures of volunteers and smiling children, Harry’s excited to go, but he’s never been outside England except for a family trip as a teenager, and nerves mingle with anticipation. He meets with his fellow volunteers who have managed more than just rattling a tin at old ladies and realises he’s in for a shock.

What does Vietnam have in store for him? How will he cope with looking after others when he can barely look after himself? Will Harry come back a changed man with an open-mind like all those backpacking hippies do, or will he return home and continue to be the Neanderthal that evolution failed?

Follow Harry’s fascinating journey of culture shock, humbling war memorials, cheap booze, and hot, noisy Vietnamese streets. With shameless British humour and laugh-out-loud prose, An Idiot Goes East is a wild journey you’ll have a hard time forgetting.

A couple of cheeky snippets.

Snippet 1
Snippet 2
Snippet 3
Snippet 4
Snippet 5

“Hello Helpdesk, Harry speaking,” I said to the bound-to-be idiot who had just interrupted my creative flow.

“My stupid, crappy computer has broken itself again. Get yourself around here now,” said the consistently stupid Barney Rodgers, Head of Innovation. This fucker couldn’t innovate his way out of a paper bag.

“Can you be more specific please, Mr Rodgers?” I forced through gritted teeth.

“My screen has gone black, and I can’t get in. I go to a meeting, come back, and this piece of shit has broken again,” he blasted.

“Have you tried pressing any key on the keyboard?”

“And how will that fix my screen?” he shouted. “Oh,” he whimpered. “Now it’s asking me for my password, what’s that?”

“The password you use to log in.” You fuckwit.

“I don’t remember what that is,” he shouted. “How am I supposed to remember all this shit? I need to use my computer now, or innovation grinds to a halt.”

“I’ve reset it to ‘welcome’ for you, all lower case. Can you type that in?”

“How are you spelling that?” How do these fuckers make it out of the house in the morning?

“w-e-l-c-o-m-e,” I spelt in disbelief.

“That’s it. Well done,” he replied, hanging up the phone. Twat! I knew I’d have him back on the phone when his screensaver comes on again.

“Pub,” Trev whispered as he walked by, offering momentary respite from the struggles of writing a simple resignation letter.

Trev and I had always been the outcasts, which is probably why we got on so well. He’s a bit of an ugly fucker and so northern that a compass would point straight at him. He’s a little on the short side and has a face so twitchy that I’m convinced it burns more calories than the rest of his body combined. He has a love of poor man’s fast sports and is the overly proud owner of an Audi TT. One night I drunkenly—and I thought, very cleverly—vandalised it, and he’s been driving around in an Audi TwaT ever since. He’s recently single having just broken up with his long-term girlfriend, because, in his words, “I told her that her family was a bunch of fucking rednecks!” She was a bit of a minger anyway, so he’s better off—just him and his TwaT.

Testimonials

And no, I didn't pay anyone...

Be Prepared To Laugh Out Loud

Highly entertaining with humour that is sometimes brutal, often clever and always hilarious. Many of us in white-collar professions will know a Harry and the character alone can hold attention. Add in love interests, the heady mix of South East Asia, and the result is this fantastic page-turner. Should beach holidays abroad become a “thing” again, I’d suggest this would be a perfect sunchair companion
Ian Mullane

A delightful ride!

This is a thoroughly entertaining memoir with unapologetic British humour that had me rolling in my seat. It’s a super fun read if you’re interested in travel, genuine experiences in Vietnam, or indeed in hilarious and relatable prose!
Martin Septim

From Pad to Print

This book began life in 2003 in an A4 notepad during happy hour in a bar.  It continued in that same notepad for about a year before about 80-odd pages made it into Microsoft Word.   Obviously, there were many times where it was just something on a memory stick for long periods of time. It didn’t take me 17 years to write!

100+ revisions later, millions of hours that i’ll never get back, and a lot of memory sticks and computers later, i’ve actually finished it!

To all those who were forced to read every revision I made, thank you, and sorry. It’s become a lot better since anyone read it last, so you’ll need to read it again 🙂  

To all those who continued with your unconditional support while mentally despising me, thank you. 

I hope you enjoy the book as much as I enjoyed writing it.  I’d love to hear what you thought of it, both good or bad.

My previously unknown OCD was realised during the editing phase, but if you happen to find any typos, grammar errors or punctuation mistakes, then please let me know.

                           

If you would like updates: